Words Matter: Confidence Is a Feeling, But You've Got to Act It
Randy Thompson · August 17, 2026
Randy is writing a book called Words Matter, and the whole idea fits in one sentence: “When you change your words, you change your outcome.”
Most people think confidence is something you either have or you don’t. Randy disagrees. “Confidence is a feeling,” he says, “but you’ve got to act it” — and most of that acting lives in your language. Clean up the weak, permission-seeking words and you come across as an authority whether you feel like one yet or not.
A few of the shifts he teaches:
- Cut the apology. “I hate to bother you” becomes “I need a minute of your time.” One shrinks you; the other tells people what you’re about to say matters.
- Say less. “When you have too much of something, people want less of it. The less you say, the more they’re going to want to hear from you.” The person talking the most in the room is usually the least sure of themselves — what Randy calls “all hat, no cattle.”
- Drop the filler. The nervous qualifiers and throwaway “justs” leak doubt. Trim them and the same sentence lands with weight.
Then there’s the hard part: staying composed when someone comes at you. Randy learned this one the slow way. “I was a street fighter. I learned the wrong way to handle conflict, and I had to unlearn all of it.” His method now, when a customer turns rude, is almost nothing at all — hold eye contact, pause two or three seconds, and say, “I want you to repeat that slowly.” Most of the time they can’t; the heat drains out and they walk it back. Then you ask a calm question and keep moving.
Because you don’t win by matching their energy. “Nobody wins in a pig-wrestling match,” Randy says. “We all get muddy, and the pig loves it.” Steadiness beats volume every time.
That’s the communication half. The other half is what you actually say to a client — and there, Randy’s rule is simple: “Say what it does, not what it is.” Nobody gets excited about a policy. They get excited about their family staying in the house. So instead of opening with “I wanted to talk to you about life insurance coverage,” he opens with a picture: “Imagine your family one year from now, with a plan that protects the house, the income, and gives everyone peace of mind.” One sentence, and the client isn’t listening to a pitch anymore — they’re seeing their own life.
When a client pushes back — “I don’t want to spend more money right now” — Randy doesn’t argue with it. He agrees first. “I get it. That’s exactly why one bad day shouldn’t become a financial disaster.” Three words do more than a five-minute rebuttal, because they tell the client you heard them before you try to move them anywhere.
And when a conversation is getting complicated, he brings it back to one sentence: “If you remember only one thing — life insurance is not about dying. It’s about making sure the people you love can keep living.” Confused people don’t buy. Clear people act.
The words Randy trains his whole team to lean on: “Imagine.” “I get it.” “No fine print.” “Let’s get it done.” The words he trains them to drop: policy, premium, underwriting, cash value accumulation — accurate, and completely forgettable. Nobody buys a word. They buy what it does for them.
You can’t always control the room. You can always control your words — and your words are what the room remembers.
Want Randy to bring this to your team or your stage? Book a keynote or start coaching.